You may have already seen the results of the Irish wedding survey, which we publish every year in January. Among other things, we ask the couples about the number of guests. Our latest number – 167. That’s an average, and it’s definitely not small! It goes along with the average wedding cost of €24,447. That’s not a small amount either. Are the two numbers related? Yes, of course they are. No matter how you slice that cake, weddings are expensive.
One of the best ways to beat the expense is to have an intimate wedding. What’s intimate? Well, there are no strict parameters for intimate weddings, but let’s stick to 50 guests and less. It’s just large enough to call it a celebration, but small enough to devote some time to each guest on the day. Also, small enough for everyone to sleep in one medium-sized hotel, if need be. If there’s no set maximum number, then there’s no minimum number either. Couples who elope? It’s just them, the officiant and maybe a witness. And, we have heard plenty of people say they were at a wedding with just 10 people, and it was the loveliest celebration ever. Intimate weddings are all about love, not the crowd.
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Photo from Ruth & Toby’s real wedding in Mallorca by DKPHOTO
The pros and cons of intimate weddings
Some couples know from the moment they get engaged they want an intimate wedding. It’s just what suits them better, their personalities, and their preferences. Other couples, they can’t imagine anything but lavish. That’s cool too! But what if you’re undecided? You like the thought of a charming and stress-free day, but on the other hand, you also like the thought of a happy large crowd around you. How do you decide? Let’s examine the pros and cons of intimate weddings.
Pro: smaller budget. Fewer guests automatically means lower expenses. And even if you add an extra person or two later, it won’t blow a huge hole in your budget.
Con: if your chosen venue charges a hire fee, it’s likely to stay the same no matter how small your guest list is. You may find the bulk of your wedding costs goes to the venue hire fee. May not be a good decision, money-wise.
Pro: many more venue options. You can consider places that aren’t perhaps advertising themselves as wedding venues, for example restaurants, museums, art galleries, even historic courthouses. They might not agree to host 200 people, but 50 people or fewer can be served just about anywhere.
Cons: many designated wedding venues have minimum numbers – these could be 60 or 80 people. You may not be able to book your favourite venue because your guest list is too small.
Pro: exclusive venue use. If you like a little bit of privacy, you may be able to hire out the whole place for the day, so there are no strangers, crashers, shoppers or golfers wandering into your celebration. Again, it can be any place.
Con: you may get put into the smallest room. In wedding venues with multiple suites (where several weddings take place on the same day), you may find yourself relegated to the smallest room without many of the amenities of bigger rooms, like private bars, bathrooms nearby, or access to outdoor areas or terraces.
Pro: inviting only the people you want to have there with you on the day, instead of your third cousins twice removed, and uncles you haven’t seen since you were six.
Con: keeping the guest list trimmed could be difficult with family pressure (your mam insists on inviting her best friend’s four children!), or because of obligation (they invited you, it’s impolite not to invite them back!)
Pro: suddenly, getting married abroad is a very real possibility. You couldn’t have considered it with a potential guest list of 150 people… but just a small group, why not? Even if you invite 20 or 30 people, many won’t be able to attend for various reasons. The guest list will narrow itself down considerably. You can now think about having a very small celebration and throwing a party when you get back home for everyone else. It all works out much cheaper than a full-on wedding for 150+ guests.
Con: the best time for a wedding abroad may not be the time you would have chosen for a wedding at home. For example, you’ve always wanted a June wedding, but the best prices in Italy are in September. Would you be willing to move your wedding date?
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Photo from Miranda & Matthew’s real wedding by DKPHOTO
Intimate weddings – how do they get planned?
First, you must be sure it’s what you want, and your other half wants too. You may be surprised to hear this, but most grooms-to-be, given a chance, would pick an intimate wedding over a huge one. So if he enthusiastically agrees that yes, 50 guests is more than enough, don’t be surprised. So have this chat and see what the outcome is.
Second, find that ruthless streak in you – you’ll definitely need it to keep an iron-clad limit on that guest list. There will be many, many questions asked, like ‘how could you not invite your cousin Patrick, you two were inseparable when you were little!’ The operative word here is LITTLE. Put your foot down firmly and repeat until everyone understands: only those closest to you are invited. Period.
Third, realise you have tons of venue options (as we already mentioned, even those that aren’t usually used as wedding venues!), so ask yourself: what really strikes your fancy? Decide this together with your other half. Make a provisional list of places you’d like to check out, then pick up the phone and start calling. You’ll find there’s a surprisingly huge range of prices and options, so joint decision making is crucial as you narrow down your choices.
Fourth, definitely give getting wed abroad a good and serious consideration. A combo of low prices, superb wedding planners, an option to add a honeymoon, and a wedding that’s small and unusual at the same time is truly irresistible to many couples who want intimate weddings.
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Photo from Jill & Kian’s real wedding in Tuscany
10 surprising things about intimate weddings
They’re still viewed as somewhat unusual! 50 guests is still a good number… but try to tell anyone you’re having just 10 or 20! There will be no end to strange looks. It’s alright, don’t let anyone pressure you – if a small wedding is what you want, a small wedding you shall have.
You’ll still be stressed – but differently. Most of your stress will come from people expressing disappointment about not being invited, as well as your mam/dad trying to add people to the list. It’s alright, you don’t have to apologise to anyone for your decision. If you want, pick one reason and use it as explanation to anyone who asks. One thing nobody can ever argue with is a budget. If you say ‘it’s the wedding we can afford without getting into huge debt’, then that puts the end to the discussion.
If you decide to go abroad, remember to send save-the-dates. People need to know as far in advance as possible (even up to one year) so they can book time off work, save up, and prepare for the trip. If you don’t give them enough notice, they won’t be able to attend.
Hiring a wedding planner is still a superb investment. You may think wedding planners are only needed for big affairs, but that’s not the case at all! There’s a reason so many couples say hiring a professional is the best money they spent. A good planner brings you savings, alternative options, good advice, and much more. Get some quotes, it can’t do any harm.
You have much more freedom with your money. It may seem like a contradiction, right? Because with intimate weddings, there’s a smaller budget, so there’s an assumption you’d spend less money on pretty much everything. That doesn’t have to be so! For example, in an intimate wedding, it’s less likely for the couple to have a large crowd of bridesmaids and groomsmen. That takes away the costs of hiring five suits, or buying four bridesmaid gowns. There will be lower costs for alcohol and catering. This means you could hire both a photographer and a videographer, or spend more on your honeymoon.
… but, a smaller wedding could still cost as much as a big wedding. It all depends on the level of luxury you want. If you’d like to splash on something, set an upper budget limit, then pick one or two things only to keep to it.
In an intimate wedding, the guests will focus on you much more, and vice versa. You’ll have time to speak to everyone. You can arrange the tables so everyone will see each other (like in a circle or horseshoe), helping the two families get to know each other. You’ll never say the words ‘I didn’t know half the people at my own wedding’.
You can upgrade your food to something more posh. You may not be able to feed caviar to 167 people. But to 50 or less? Why not? Instead of salmon, serve lobster. You get the picture. Speak to your caterer about upgrades you could make that cost a little extra, but bring a whole lot of wow.
You can easily have a multi-day celebration. Intimate weddings aren’t just for people with small budgets! If you have the cash and the inclination, make your wedding a two or even three-day do at a venue that has (or is near) accommodations for everyone. Bulk booking will get you major discounts, and it will be like a mini-break for everyone, including you!
You can do something completely unusual. Rent a cottage in an area of natural beauty for everyone. Have a completely casual do, like a picnic, where nobody comes dressed up, and all you have to focus on is amazing food. Have singalongs or storytelling instead of speeches. There’s no limit, really.
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Above image of Empire Bar & Grill in Swords, Dublin
And that brings us to ‘where’
As we already mentioned, you have a very wide choice of venues. In fact, the smaller the guest list, the bigger the selection. Whichever venue you call, remember to ask about flexibility, in case you want to add or take away one or two people.
The best place to start your search is our list of 15 beautiful intimate wedding venues in Ireland. They really pack the wow for those couples who want elegance, but on a smaller scale.
Or if you prefer something more casual, check out the 9 romantic restaurant venues for an intimate wedding. Holding your reception at one of these takes care of the catering side with no effort on your part. You’ll just have to sample the menu and choose the best options. Easy!
If you have any questions about intimate weddings, ask away! Remember, this day is about what you want. If that’s a small wedding, then it’s worth sticking to your guns and having it your way.
Main photo from Georgina & Joshua’s real wedding in Dubrovnik by Yes I Du Wedding Agency Dubrovnik
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